90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
