I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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