I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
