And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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