Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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