Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
