Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
