Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
