I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
