He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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