Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
