Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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