Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
