You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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