I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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