K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
