I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
