My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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