Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
