I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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