this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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