even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
