Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
