Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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