I accidentally had phone sex last night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
