i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
