I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
