this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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