Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
