piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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