you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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