Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
