Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
