Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
