The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
