i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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