Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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