the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get the cat blown out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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