Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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