I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was CRYING into my vagina
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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