he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
