i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
