Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize