he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
