I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
fuck your aforementioned shoe
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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