My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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