How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
