I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
