what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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