I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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