i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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