the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
